


dinner date

by ratgotico



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Kissing, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26442940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratgotico/pseuds/ratgotico
Summary: Craig just wants to go on a date with Jeff. Nothing new.But he maybe, kind of freaks out this time. Well, nothing new either.
Relationships: Dean Craig Pelton/Jeff Winger
Comments: 10
Kudos: 45





	dinner date

It was during one of the Friday nights at the bar that Jeff had agreed to have dinner with him. In his apartment. How romantic! Or so he thought. The next day when they ran into each other down the hall of the same floor of the same building they lived in, Craig gave him a cheery hello with a wave of his hand and looked at him with flirtatious eyes, while Jeff just raised a brow at him in question. And then his own eyes widened when he finally realized what he'd done.

“Look, Craig, you know I was drunk when I said that. It doesn’t count. Nothing we say when we hang out at the bar ever counts. The other day Chang, completely unprompted, said you looked hot.”

“Any reason why he couldn’t have been sincere?”

“You know what? If you’re fine with that, then I am too. But this”, he pointed to both of them, “is not happening.”

Jeff tried to leave, but Craig stood in his way. “But if it were anyone else, asking you to dinner, as a friend, wouldn’t you agree to it?”, he pouted.

Jeff looked at him. Really looked at him. Craig suddenly felt vulnerable being looked down at.

“You are my friend. You’re great company 70% of the time. I admire your persistence and your attraction to me. But sometimes you overdo it. You know that. You can’t not know that.”

Craig did know that, in a way, but he also didn’t, in another. What could he do if he was always too much for everyone else? To him he was just normal. A Craigular Joe. He didn’t know how to be like any regular person. He was Dean Pelton. He stood out whether he and everyone around him liked it or not.

Jeff maybe felt pity or something along those lines while looking into his eyes – maybe it stemmed from the considerable amount of self pity Craig had stored inside himself – and said,

“If you can promise me no candles and no romantic music and no dimmed lights and keep the flirtation to an acceptable degree. If you can promise me we’ll be just two friends hanging out and sitting on a couch and drinking and talking about something stupid, then I agree to it.”

Craig smiled. Jeff left. Craig went back to his apartment to clean everything up and hide all of the photos of Jeff he kept. He called his therapist, since this was an obvious emergency, and his therapist told him his problem was thinking too much about Jeff. He talked about him all the time. What did he even like all that much about him? Craig thought that was ridiculous and unhelpful, so he hang up. But as he was hiding away the pair of handcuffs and the whip in his bedroom – not that he expected Jeff to even go near there, but better safe than sorry, he supposed. Not to mention the lines between reality and make believe were always wobbly so maybe this was all just a dream, or a show, or a story, in which case yeah, maybe they’d end up there in the end – he started asking himself the same thing.

Why did he like Jeff so much?

Well, because he was Jeff, right? That made him inherently likable. He was born that way. Charming. Naturally good looking. And he still enhanced that with workout sessions and expensive clothes and night creams and probably practicing smiles in his bathroom mirror too.

So, was it pure physical attraction? Craig wondered that as he picked up ingredients for the dinner in the grocery store. Nothing too fancy so Jeff wouldn’t think he was trying to make this a date, but nothing not too fancy because it was Jeffrey and he had standards. Craig did not. He thought about Willy. He thought about the text messages he exchanged with someone he thought was Jeffrey. He thought about crying in Elroy’s RV when everyone got mad at him.

Maybe he kind of wanted to be Jeff in a way. He thought about that while cutting up tomatoes this time. Maybe he just wanted the confidence, and to know what it was like when people liked you just from looking at you. Maybe he just wanted to be taller.

As he changed into one of the few nicer shirts he had, he ran his hand through the smooth fabric of his costumes in his wardrobe. Nope, he liked himself just fine. There was nothing more to it than a simple combination of being gay, having a crush and being oh so lonely in his apartment and his job where everyday everyone lost a little more respect for him.

But then, Dean-dong! Jeff was there at his door. A little bit late, but it was understandable. Fashionable, even.

“Hey”, was all Jeff said as Craig opened the door. He looked at the apartment, and he must have approved Craig’s cleanup of the place because he gave him a reassuring smile. “Smells good.”

“It’s pizza! Made from scratch, of course. I wanted something casual so you wouldn’t be, you know, uncomfortable. But the only reason I wanted to invite you in the first place was so I could make the food. So it’s a nice balance, right?”

Jeff mindlessly nodded.

“Listen, about earlier...”

“Uh uh uh, Jeffrey, please, you are completely within the right to be brutally honest about your feelings with me. In fact, coming from you, I feel honored that you opened up about it.”

“I was going to say that I did mean everything I said before.”

“… Oh. Well then. It’s all acknowledged, don’t worry about it.”

“But I should have given you a chance first.”

Craig gasped. Jeff held up a hand. “Not like that. I meant, about the dinner.”

Craig nodded. Right. “Right. I’m going to get the pizza, and the scotch, and then you can tell me if you regret this or not. How does that sound?”

“Fine”, Jeff shrugged, and sat on the couch.

They ate pizza, and drank, and talked, and laughed, as friends. Jeff seemed pleased, so Craig was pleased too.

“So”, Jeff shook the drink in his hand, “any specific reason why you wanted to make me food? You didn’t put anything weird in this, right?”

Craig actually glared at him this time, because how dare he question his food. Even if he was Jeff Winger, he wasn’t allowed to do that.

“Is the pizza not good?”

“Hm. It’s delicious, actually.”

“This was the reason, then.” And then Craig realized Jeff just said he liked his food so, all was good again. Just like that.

Jeff laughed. “Because you wanted me to compliment you? I definitely recall telling you many times what a good Dean you are.”

Craig laid back on the couch. “Sure, but I wanted you to see how competent I can be outside of Greendale. And well, I don’t know, I won’t always be the Dean.”

Jeff snorted. “Do you even see yourself retired?”

Craig shrugged. “Do you?”

“Yeah. I can’t wait to do nothing all day.”

“Oh please, Jeffrey, like you don’t do that already.”

Jeff smiled deviously at him.

“I see you teaching, mister”, Craig said. “I saw you sleeping on an actual pillow in your desk once.”

“And you didn’t even do anything about it.”

“What was I supposed to do, wake you up? Nope. You look too cute when you're sleeping. Besides, I always trick Frankie into doing the scolding so you’ll never get mad at me.”

Jeff laughed. Ugh, Craig loved his laugh. Then he took another sip of his glass. “Alright, promise me you’ll keep calm after I say this.”

“Hm?”

“I didn’t necessarily mean just the dinner. But you have to do this like a normal person, Craig. Give me a reason to give you a chance or something. But make it a good one.”

He finished his drink in a swig and thanked Craig for the pizza and wished him goodnight as he opened the door and just left like the cool guy he was, while Craig was left there sitting on his couch with his mouth open in shock.

In the next few weeks Jeff doesn’t acknowledge anything he said in Craig’s apartment. Not that Craig ever mentions it. He just thought Jeff would want to take that back at some point. To the point that Craig started questioning if it had all been a dream. He doesn’t let that discourage him though. He gets back to his therapist. He tells him how Jeff giving him a chance is the only thing that matters in his life right now. His therapist tells him, see, this is the problem, Craig. Try doing something else. Put on one of those costumes you say you like so much and look in the mirror and feel nice about yourself. Take yourself out on a date instead of a dream version of Jeffrey. Or even real Jeffrey. What does Jeffrey have that you don’t?

And then Jeff starts seeing some woman, but that doesn’t get Craig down either because Jeff introduces someone new to their Friday night bar hangouts every month or so and it never works out. Everyone knows he’s terribly afraid of both commitment and change. Then Chang introduces his new boyfriend to them, and that surprisingly ends up lasting.

Craig spends most of his non Greendale related time cooking and baking and sewing and practicing his makeup skills. And taking dance classes twice a week now instead of just once. Oh and he officially gets rid of all the pictures of Jeff he had in his apartment. And on his cellphone. He’s pretty satisfied with himself up until one day when Frankie’s… - Girlfriend? Wife? - Partner shows up at the bar, too, and the loneliness and melancholy he had buried deep down resurface. Sure, he needed to recompose himself and get a hold of his unhealthy obsession and take control of his life again or whatever, done! But how come everyone else got to be with someone except for him? Was there anything wrong with him?

He suddenly remembers the time he spent hiding from his parents, and toning down who he was for the sake of a so called normalcy. He suddenly recalls asking the same question, at home, at Greendale, to his therapist. He suddenly recalls being asked that, too.

Maybe he’s just overreacting. Yeah. He did that a lot. He finds himself mid freakout at some bar someone recommended to him once, as a distraction. And then he finds himself dancing and having fun and not worrying about if he was inherently unlikable. And then he hears a familiar laugh and it turns out that someone had been Jeffrey.

Craig is in a good mood and in pants as tight as Jeff’s t-shirt, and he throws his worries away and beams at him.

“You really go for it, huh?”, Jeff asks him.

“Oh, you haven’t seen anything. Or you might have in some Greendale dances. Which just reminds me how I did very poorly on our tango that one time.”

“I’ll take half the blame on that one. Takes two to tango.”

They sit down for drinks.

“Where’s your date? She was pretty cute. She wore very fun outfits. I liked the LED lights in her dress.”

“Yeah, I had a feeling you’d like that. Not sure why”, Jeff touches the neon earring Craig is wearing. “We broke up a while ago. I didn’t want to say anything to any of you because Britta will talk my ear off when she finds out. Especially now that she's been using me for practice therapy sessions.”

“Hm.”

“I was never the one for relationships, but these past few months have been bad. Really bad. Feels like I’m losing my charm, or my personality. Or both.”

Craig sits there and sips his colorful overly sweet drink through a fun straw with loops and listens.

“Maybe you just miss your friends, Jeffrey. Have you thought about that?”

“No, that didn’t even cross my mind. Of course I miss them. But missing your friends shouldn’t make you lose control of your personal life.”

"Ok, fair point... So then you might be looking to fill a hole in your life that can’t be filled with something small and superficial. You may already know this, but as you get older you just need something bigger. How does that sound?”

“Ugh, you might be worse than Britta”, Jeff takes a sip of his plain scotch. “But if that is your metaphor for relationships then yeah, I’m looking for a real relationship, I guess, and I’ve been having all these dates and they’re not working out because they end up never meaning anything. I think I need to find someone who thinks and acts like me, or something, to make this work. Or I just need someone who genuinely likes me no matter what.”

"Like me?"

Jeff keeps his head down glancing at his glass, but he seems lost in thought. Maybe he's considering how Craig has been legitimately into him for so long. Or how actually alike they both essentially are. Maybe he's even picturing himself as the Dean of Greendale again.

“What if we talked about this over pasta at my place? With candles and romantic music and dimmed lights. But, I mean, it’s up to you, Jeffrey, really. I can just keep on listening if you’re not interested. I can even hold your hand if you want me to, though I think that would comfort me more than it would you.”

“Wow. I mean, wow, I’m actually impressed. In a good way.”

Jeff looked at him. Really looked at him this time. And Craig was just fine with it. In fact, if they were standing up again, Craig would be too busy appreciating how tall Jeff was instead of feeling insecure.

“I used to have reasons for not wanting to do this, you know. I think I wanted to impress everyone with the women I dated. Which was sure a big jerk move on my part, but it's not like it was a great habit for me either. Always living for the appearance. I never really learned to connect with someone beyond that. I think I had that once or twice, at Greendale, and then never again."

They’re in Craig’s couch, and they’re kissing. And it’s nice. And Craig’s still anxious about it, but not to the point of feeling like he’s going to explode, or feeling like this is all there is to it. He’s just enjoying it. He feels those familiar butterflies in his belly. It’s pleasant. They make him feel nice and warm and happy. Jeff’s lips are soft, and his beard lightly scratches Craig’s face, and he kinda loves it.

“I mean. I still want to look good, and I want everyone to know I look good.”

“You always look good.”

“I know. But there’s more to me than that, right? There’s more to you too. You wanted to tell me that the day you invited me to dinner.”

“Jeffrey, you are so much more, and I can’t even believe someone like you have doubts about that.”

“Oh yeah, because I’m such a confident person.”

“You certainly seem like it.”

Jeff laughs and shakes his head.

“This may sound weird, but do you mind telling me how I’m so much more than that while we’re doing this?”

“Ok, I don’t think you know what weird is, but sure, I’d be delighted to.”

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this when i had a bad day to cheer myself up but all my stories end up involving some kind of breakdown theme for some reason. anyway hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> also talk to me about community at kimmymcgill.tumblr.com


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